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Ben Stein - So Smart!

If they know of him at all, many folks think Ben Stein is just a quirky actor/comedian who talks in a monotone. He's also a very intelligent attorney who knows how to put ideas and words together in such a
way as to sway juries and make people think clearly. The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

Here with a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter.

I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?

I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife. Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is ane xplicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.

But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards.

Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

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Comments

I would like to agree and pass it on, but I never do that without finding out from Snope first (and then letting all senders know. So, is it or is it not true? Please let us all know.

I too would like to know if this is for real or just a chain letter

Here with a confession from my Thinking Mind:

I am an Atheist, and every single one of my ancestors was a catholic.

I don't like getting pushed around for being an Atheist, and I don't think Jews like getting pushed around for not being Christians, and Muslims don’t like being pushed around for not being Jews It seems the flavor of god is more important than the idea…

I think people who don’t believe in God are sick and tired of watching all the believers push each other around, period.

I have no idea where the concept came from that one religion is right, that believing in some alien being living in the clouds is a good thing, or that America is an explicitly Catholic country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: Where did the idea come from that we should worship a God at all, and why is it that for some twisted reason we aren't allowed to be good loving caring people if we don’t?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering when people are going to stop blaming the woes of the world on Gods and spirits and instead take responsibility for the state of the world, and the way we raise our children, and the way we treat each other...

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show, and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)

Anne Graham gave a moronic and dogmatic response.

She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools,

to get out of our government, and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out.

I think that it was a low pressure system that caused a Hurricane… That’s life… It happens… even when the world was full of believers and we were oppressing the populations and killing the infidels Hurricanes happened… Boy those dinosaurs must have been holy sinners for God to have wiped them out entirely…

How can we be so close minded as to blame a God for the woes of man when man is clearly not bothering to try and make it better, when the hearts of The believers are poisoned against thy neighbor because of his race, creed, and religion?

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started because we gave away our personal responsibility for our deeds and actions, and allowed ourselves to believe that God was able to fix all our nastiness and make it all right, if only we could throw ourselves on his mercy…

and we said it is Gods will.

Then someone said you better read the Bible in school. Because the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself.

And we say forget the bible lets take responsibility for our lives and our children’s upbringing, lets teach them that they have the ultimate power and control to change the world instead of teaching about some nonsensical mystical being who has ultimate control, lets say it and mean it ourselves.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience,
why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out.

I think it has a great deal to do with… “It’s not my fault” I never bothered, because hell… God’s supposed to make up for the fact that I can’t be bothered to raise my children right, God is supposed to fix the world because I can’t love everyone regardless of their religion, or race, after all I am only human…

Funny how simple it is for people to put it all on a God instead of working to make it better, and then wonder why the world's going to Hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, Sad that we believe what the Bible says, yet can’t be bothered to make it so…

Funny how throughout history the Believers have been the cause of the deaths and carnage and nastiness because others did not have the right belief.

Pass this on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process,

Don’t sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. Until we forget about mystical beings and focus on the real world, the hear and now, religion will continue to destroy the world one believer at a time.

My Best Regards. Honestly and respectfully,

Dear God,

Thanks for responding to my first letter about school shootings. I really admire your explanation of why you couldn't save all those children who died from getting shot. I am amazed by your ability to deflect any possibility that such shootings might be caused by extremely loose gun laws and a lack of parental responsibility, and it was great how you blamed it all on secularists who are trying to uphold the constitutional separation of church and state.

In light of your miraculous ability to place blame where it so clearly belongs (squarely on secular humanists) without adopting anything resembling reasonable thinking, I had a few follow up questions that I thought you could answer. You see, I badly want to follow the advice you give in that email, but I'm having trouble figuring out how.

My main question is if we start reading The Bible in school, then should we allow elementary schools in areas populated by Muslim immigrants to start reading Koranic prayers every morning? How would Christian students feel about that? Assuming they might object, should we begin segregating schools in order to avoid conflicts of culture? Wait, I have a solution, maybe we can just deport all Muslim families living here in the US. Heck, while were at it, let's deport all people who do not share our Christian values. Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, agnostics: who needs ‘em anyway? (I could, however, use some clarification about Jews and Mormons). Let's just make it so everyone within our national border believes what we believe: that will solve any potential conflicts about how we indoctrinate our children— and I'm absolutely certain it will keep school shootings from happening. How could it not?

I think I solved that problem God, but it does bring up another one I hadn't thought of: how can we turn this secular cesspool of a country into a stalwart Christian country in which children are forced to adopt a biblical world view without violating all the laws and human rights that make our country so great? I was thinking it would be best to rip up the constitution and install a fascist regime that controls what can be said and what qualifies as "acceptable" speech — I mean, that would work I think, but isn't fascism bad? Didn't President Bush say that we are fighting fascists in the war on terror? And also, didn't he mention that the reason the fascists hate us is because of our freedom, our right to say what we want to say? Wait, I think I got it— If we adopt the same strict limitations on speech as the Islamofascists, then they will no longer hate us because we will no longer have any freedoms. We can end this war on terror— they can stay on their side of the planet, and we'll stay on ours and we'll all just stay that way forever and ever. That will surely end the school shootings.

Golly God, if I didn't know better I'd think you were speaking through me, but that couldn't possibly happen, because I know that it's a sacrilege to pretend to speak with your voice in order to push an agenda, and I would never do any such thing.

Thanks God for all your help, and I'll get going on that fascism thing immediately.

Sincerely,
A political moderate who is absolutely sick of ill-conceived propaganda popping up in his in-box.


P.S. In your last letter you also mentioned that school shootings are also caused by the legalization of child-pornography. While this undoubtedly rings true to me, I can't think of any examples. Could you please clarify when and where secular humanists ever promoted child-pornography so I can cite it when I am arguing with non-believers.

P.P.S. I had another question for you when you get a spare moment (I realize you're a busy deity). Why did you allow all those young Catholic boys to be raped by priests? Was it because of pressure from the secular humanists? I'm sure it was, but I'm just trying to make the logical connection, and if you could give me a hint it would help a lot. Thanks.

P.P.P.S. Sorry, this is the last one, I promise. I forgot to mention that I, well. . . how to say it? I have absolutely no clue how you connect promoting safe sex and with school shootings. I'm a true believer, and if you say it I know it's true, but that nasty habit of. . . um. . . thinking rationally seems to be getting in the way. Could you please clarify the point. Thanks again, and I'll keep praying to you for answers.

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